We are a pair of overeducated/underpaid 40-somethings desperately trying to cling to validity as we fall kicking and screaming into midlife crisis. We can't afford sports cars, so this will have to do.

 

Jon is a product of the Midwestern United States, for good or bad and whatever that means. Raised by feral raccoons, in a non-denominational church, Jon discovered a love for art, music, the female body, and trying to squeeze laughs out of people at a very young age. With background talents in writing lyrics for sophmoric punk music, eating cheese, painting with oils and mangling any one of his numerous guitars, Jon also developed a friendship with Matt after being forced to move from Northern Illinois to Missouri during his late teens, and against his will. Over his time in Missouri, Jon somehow managed to father two wonderful children and latch on to his high school sweetheart, remaining married to her for over 20 years. Despite the numerous, self-inflicted odds against him, Jon also graduated from college with a Master's degree in teaching and resides in Columbia, MO with two horrible smelling dogs, an asshole of a cat, his (s)mother, young daughter and smoking hot wife.

 

Matt's super power is causing physical pain to his foes with well-timed (and incredibly bad) puns. The more groans he hears, the more his power grows. Born and raised in Southern Missouri, Matt is of authentic hillbilly stock. (His great granny kept a spit cup for her chaw on the TV tray next to her recliner…legit!) Despite his heritage, he grew up “different.” A free thinker, Matt grew up a liberal mind in conservative world. A great lover of the arts, Matt went on to earn a degree in theatre and hit the airwaves of his state as a radio DJ. (Eventually earing the honored status of “weekend overnight guy” in the metropolis of Kansas City.) From there our hero moved on to an illustrious career as a wedding DJ/substitute teacher. No peak was too high!! After years of searching, Matt finally met his match and was wise enough to marry this incredible vixen! Her super power…the eye roll. (Devastating!) The pair quickly produced an heir to the empire they have amassed. As if this weren’t impressive enough, Matt continued his learning and got his M. Ed in Counseling, which is what he does today. It could only be destiny that brought Jon and Matt together…and maybe beer.

 

The world can now witness destiny unfolding. Here, at UTP.

 

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Who are these assholes??